im not your typical army parent, for my daughter Shezaf isn’t in America serving this country, yet chose to serve her country of origin, the place of her birth, Israel..Although she has spent her entire life here in Michigan from the cradle age of 7 months, it was there she chose to make her presence known and evolve into the strong lady she is becoming..
Watching from afar her journey prevail, there is a deep sensation of pride that over takes your heart and you forget about how far away you are from her, and how extraordinary it is to watch and marvel in her success..these are the moments of motherhood when you think back and remember when you didn’t know how anything would have worked out, and you acknowledge the road of faith and love now over spilling with complete joy..and fucking thank god that it all worked out thus far..
sometimes we push our children to act out our own dreams and beliefs regardless of their own desires and fantasy’s..we take it upon our self to mold them into mini me’s despite the fact that they are their own individual people with their own set of ambitions..However sometimes we have to act as an advocate while they are marinated in fear and push them to what they believe to be an extreme in order to wake them up and see all the beautiful happens of life around them..knowing your child is an essential requirement when pushing them to something you truly believe will be the deliverance they need for their ultimate success..
I have watched my child possess characteristics of courage, strength, endurance, unity, pride, stamina, self worth, self love, authentic bliss from the nudge she was given to fly and rely on the wings that would safely manifest from her leap of faith..the treasures she is creating for herself and her future are the essential connections that are a must in the evolution of your spirit and those around you..i am so happy that she is plugged into something more profound than that of anything else and the capabilities she discovering makes her smile radiate bigger and brighter than any thing I ever imagined..
so while I am an army parent to someone not serving “our” country, I am a proud parent of an American raised child with Israeli roots making a difference one step at a time, and am utterly and completely proud in a world where some would question or frown upon our choices..sometimes it take going backwards in life in order to unwind and restructure life as we once knew it, building the ability for future endeavors awaiting our mark and our arrival when we do decide to show up..peace love faith hope
i discovered a secret the other day that i had spent my entire life formulating an entirely different belief around..i didnt know any better for so many reasons, and as someone suffering deeply inside the walls of my being it was a wonderful mechanism for protection and survival and it had worked so i thought all these years..
i went this past week for reiki healing, i believe we all have things inside of us that are in major need of “work” and sometimes it takes a fuck it to go and see what it all going to be about..while sitting waiting for my apointment i took out my pendulum and asked if this was going to be a good thing and was i in a safe place..my answers were yes so i surrendered to the process and went in ready to open my personal pandoras box..
i sat down with this woman, who i believe is far more than a reiki technician and automatically felt i was in th presence of a true healer..i began to unravel the words from my mouth that chock me as they come up, and make my eyes water and my voice shake, sitting vulnerable and totally exposed..i explained that i am adopted and the root to my garden of pain stems from this abandond condition i carry from the beginning energetically of my life..i began to pour out of my soul the feelings i have carried, some in pain, some in shame, some in armor and aloud her to see the authetic child like woman who needs to heal a wound so painful in my soul..
after the session i felt a bit weezy, over stimulated and heavy, as you can imagine and i had a lot to think about and work on..what transpired a few day later is nothing less than a miracle..i recieved a message from my biological mothers sister who i am in touch with that she found my biological mothers best friend in life growing up and wanted to extend the contact to me..of course i said yes, and the letter i recieved had a message for me that was the key to my rooted pain that unlocked the misinformed belief i created inside.
what i was given was a message from the grave i believe via this woman who loved and cared deeply for my mother chris who has been gone for over 15 years..she told me something so powerful that pertained to the reiki sesson i had days before that i truely believe the universe heard in my crys and gifted me a statement that had gone against every invented belief i created to amor myself from the unknown..what i dicovered is that my biological mother had carried a picture of us taken after she delivered me with her always keeping me with her still..
i write this because sometimes we emotionally invent mechanical beliefs that are not even close to being true as a way to reasure our emotional state..i have spent my 46 years believing in something that i just found out was the complete opposite and now i have to figure out a way to untie this baggage i carried heavely in the process..do yourself a favor, and be gentle and kind with your wounds and pain..find a way to love the dirt within and be open and forthcoming so you can release it and hand it over to the higher power universe that works in mysterious ways..may you all be able to release the struggles within and find peace in the uncomfortable and be able to recreate beliefs that have no substance..with love and light always! peace love faith hope
so I was speaking to my sister in law today on the way home from work, I do nails, and as usual, she inspired me to blog with her on this site..not really sure what all this means except for that I now can journal some where other than facebook where I been doing so for many years..so im not quite sure what this means or how long I will stay, but here it goes any ways.
im going to take a moment and apologize UPFRONT for all my grammar and spelling mistakes.. yes I am aware at 45 and don’t really have the urge to go back to 12 years of school to relearn the basics I missed while struggling just to pass general education and stay afloat with major learning disabilitys…so for those of you who cant stand certain fuck ups in writing and gramical mistakes yes im aware that is not really a word but who cares this is my blog..I say cheers to you as you smile and laugh or move along to another space in this internet word..this is me, all that I am beautiful bold gramically incorrect and abundant in many other aspects that most of you cant even tap into because your only focused on the writing.
I guess I should read other peoples and see what their doing so I know if im even doing this right..right!